viernes, 13 de febrero de 2009

Los padres de él (dedicado a María)

Uno siempre tiene la romántica idea de que cuando conoce a un chico o a una chica y surge el amor ya no hay más problemas. Uno piensa, encontré a la persona perfecta, a mi alma gemela, no hay nada que nos pueda separar. Craso error, queridos. Todavía no has conocido a su familia.

Mis suegros se ajustan perfectamente a esta situación. Sin ser los peores suegros de la historia, si hay detalles que hacen que te plantees hacerte hare krisna o anacoreta (o cualquier cosa que implique desaparecer del mundanal ruido). Lo que más me fascina de mi suegra es su capacidad para hacerme quedar como una incompetente, si, por ejemplo J. estornuda la muy bruja lo primero que me dice es:

- Este fin de semana me paso por tu casa para pasar el aspirador porque J. tiene alergia (uno, dos y tres, yo me calmaré)
- Es que este niño no puede estar así. J. tómate ahora mismo la pastilla de la alergia (cuatro, cinco y seis, todos lo veréis)

Tanto J. como yo no lo hacemos caso, pero el daño está hecho. Otro detalle sorprendente, es que toda suegra lleva un decorador de interiores dentro, a saber:

-Noa, lo que tienes que poner en el salón es un mueble bajo blanco (igual que el que tiene ella en casa, que curioso)
- P. no me gustan los muebles bajos blancos - respondo inocente

Acto seguido, viene un mohín de disconformidad, como siempre que se le lleva la contraria (soy una vara de junco, el viento me mece)

La gran P. (mi amantísima suegra) se cree una artista, sobre todo desde que hace unos centros de flores con pimientos y coliflores que son un verdadero atentado estético.

-Noa, te voy a hacer uno para tu casa
- P., no te preocupes, con lo liada que estás (esto es lo que digo)
- (esto es lo que pienso)- que pretenderá esta mujer, convertir mi casa en un puesto de hortalizas????!!!!!!!!!

Pero si hay una lección que aprendí desde el principio, esa es a ser más lista que ella. Me explico:

- Noa, tienes que aprender a planchar camisas (y me lo dice la que se considera feminista, tócate el pie)
- Y que pasa, que tu hijo es manco???? (jajaja te pillé)
- Tienes razón, te voy a mandar a María para que haga la plancha y limpie la casa.

Así que tengo que seguir aguantándola, pero no sabéis lo bien planchada que tengo la ropa.

Continuará....

65 comentarios:

Ely dijo...

y un cuñado soltero no tendrás? tengo una de plancha... y una pereza...

Perla Negra dijo...

Yo tengo la suerte de tener a mis suegros a 900km, aunque cada vez que vamos a su casa tengo que aguantar algún "feíllo".

Lo que más me jode es que cuando mi S. habla por teléfono con ellos, se vuelve tonto el tío, no parece él y encima grita mucho. Grrrrrr....no lo soporto!!!!!

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Noa dijo...

Ely, lo tengo jajaja

Noa dijo...

Perla que suerte a 900 km!!!!!!

Al siguiente lo busco huérfano

Carmencita dijo...

Muy bueno, Noa, pura realidad...por cierto luego te paso mi dire y eso, mas que nada porque igual a maría no le importaría...esto...tengo una de plancha.....XDXDXD.....

Cristina dijo...

Las suegras son "asín". Piensa que podía ser peor, y te podría haber tocado una como Tita!


Un beso

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Perla, lo tuyo es lujo asiático, 900 Km!!!!!!!!!! yo me conformaría con 9 km!!!!

jopeana dijo...

Pues yo no tengo suegros pero tengo tíassuegras, no sé como se las llama. Creo que ya os he hablado en alguna ocasión de ellas. Son como una suegra pero a dos bandas, no puedes bajar la guardia en ningún momento, una ataca y la otra contraataca.

Noa dijo...

Carmen es que son todas iguales.

Después de 8 años aguantándola, es lo mínimo jajja

Noa dijo...

Cristina, se dedican amargarnos la vida. Mi suegra pertenece al tipo de sólo tengo hijos (no tengo cuñadas carnales, jaja) y esas son las peores.

Noa dijo...

Ana, que Perla te pase su secreto para alejarlas 900 km!!!!

A falta de una, toma 2. Alguna habrás liado en otra vida, jaja

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pobrecillas, sin hijos y con 5 sobrinos, ¡qué quieres!, los chicos son los mejores del mundo y nosotras "ellas"(así nos llaman) somos muy dominantas, jajajajaja.

Noa dijo...

como me suena eso

Cruela dijo...

La verdad que yo no tengo mucho que decir en contra de mi suegra porque ella fue una mujer muy inconformista y siempre hizo lo que le dada la gana con lo cual es bastante comprehensiva con su desastre de nuera... a veces es plasta y tirando a chantajista pero su hijo que es mi C nunca la deja explayarse
con lo cual nos llevamos bien
Besos

Noa dijo...

Que suerte Cru!!!!!!!!!!!

Nosotros ponemos límites, porque si le dejáramos manga ancha, es capaz de meterse en la cama con nosotros, jaja

pinkocha dijo...

¡Holaaaa! Ya estoy aquí, me vais a volver loca, tengo lectura para una semana...

Noa dijo...

Bienvenida!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cuéntamelo todo sobre el viaje!!!!!

pinkocha dijo...

Si te apetece un día de estos tomamos un café y nos ponemos mutuamente al día, que esto está un poco alborotado.

Noa dijo...

Esta semana me pasooooooooooooo

Descarga las fotos!!!!!!

MEL dijo...

Pues mi queridomaridodetodoslossantos es hijo único... y yo soy una zorra, claro.

PINKOCHAAAA!!! Noa tiene mi correo y no tengo filtro para el spam de fotos...

BACCI dijo...

Seguro que no te has inspirado en mi??? jajajaja cuanta razón!!!

Noa dijo...

Mel, pídele consejo a Perla que se lo ha montado de puta madre, jaja

Noa dijo...

Bacci, luego dicen que los hombres son todos iguales... y sus madres también

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